All I Want For Christmas
by SquirlK
Summary: Spike pays a Christmas Eve visit to his lady love. Same 'verse as Her Last One and Last Date.


All I Want For Christmas

Disclaimer: I own nothing worth suing for.

Summary: Spike visits his lady love on Christmas Eve. A little ficlet in the same verse as Her Last One and Last Date.

Reviews: Yes please. Readers Rock but Reviewers RULE!!

A/N: This is for kim who sent out the plaintive "Squirly? Are you out there?" review. The answer would be "Yes, I am" but RL has been a bitch lately with the latest twist being a painful kidney stone. Never fear, I'm still working on The Demon Within and Resurrected and should have a new Demon chapter up soon. Posting should improve after the New Year.

WayWard Childe: I know you wanted me to add more to this but after leaving it for a few days, just couldn't find very much more to add. Hope you like what I came up with.

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Spike carefully laid the bouquet of roses near the headstone of the woman he'd loved and lost. Indulging in a habit formed over the long lonely months since she'd died, he dropped cross-legged onto the ground next to the grave. His duster flared out around him on the chilly ground. As always, the gaping hole she'd left in his chest ached with loss. Unable to remain still, he reached over and removed the leaves that had dared to fall and obscure her resting place.

"Hey, Luv." He murmured, voice low and husky with sorrow. "I can't believe you've been gone nearly a year. Had you with me for Valentine's and then you were just _gone_." A stray tear tracked its way down his overly thin face. He wiped it away almost savagely, leaving a very faint streak of dirt on one high cheekbone.

"So _damn_ much has happened the past ten months. Gods, I've missed you." A wry smile twisted his mouth. "As if I don't tell you _that_ two or three times a bloody month, eh, Luv?

"Now, where'd I leave off last time?" Spike closed his eyes and thought back over his last one-sided conversation with his love. "Buffy's having a hard time of it still. The money is all but gone. I'm trying to figure out a way to help her but she doesn't want my help. Gods, Joyce, she's so bitter and cold. It's like a vital spark didn't come back with her."

His elegant fingers plucked restlessly at the brown grass that edged the marble headstone as he remembered something he hadn't had the chance to tell her. "She hit me the other night." He confessed softly. "I'm almost ashamed to say that I hit her back but it seems like sometimes that's the only way to get through to her. The bad part is that it _didn't_ set off the chip. Something isn't right with our girl, Pet. I pretended that it hurt so she doesn't know yet. I don't know if I _can_ tell her." He sighed and wiped away yet another tear determined to betray his 'Big Bad' image. "I don't want her to have come back _wrong_. I'm thinking of having Red's girl check the spell that was used. See if they did something wrong."

"Buffy doesn't seem to have time for Dawn. I'm trying to fill in a bit but it is so bloody _hard_ when Buffy won't let her hang out with me. I can see Niblet rebelling and it's going to come back to bite Buffy in the ass soon." He pulled an antique pocket watch from deep within his duster. He flipped it open and checked the time. "Only a few minutes until Christmas, Luv." The pocket watch disappeared back into the depths of the old leather. Tilting his head back, he watched the sliver of moon as it disappeared behind some clouds. He was quiet for long moments.

His voice was choked when he spoke again. "The Bit invited me over to the house tonight. Told her I had a prior commitment. Think it hurt her feelings. But I couldn't not be here. Especially after spending last Christmas with you. That was the best time of my life."

Memories of the previous Christmas swamped the vampire as he allowed himself to remember being able to openly show his love for Joyce. They'd been outed at Thanksgiving during a minor crisis involving the Hellmouth. The holiday had been a bright spot in the tension caused by Glory and her minions. They'd celebrated Joyce's apparent recovery from the brain tumor that had terrified them all. The entire week had been filled with more love, laughter and gifts than Spike could remember in his century plus history.

A shudder shook Spike's slender frame as he forcibly pulled himself away from happier memories. He cleared his throat and resumed talking. "Harris put up the tree and decorations. He's trying to keep things normal for the Bit. Demon-girl isn't any help there. Chit resents any time he spends over at your place." He grew quiet again as his ever-present depression settled back onto his thin shoulders. They bowed slightly under the weight of it. "Dawn keeps asking what I want for Christmas. I tell her demons don't _do_ Christmas. Course after last year, she won't believe me. Smart kid, our Niblet."

A cold breeze swirled the dead leaves scattered around the seated vampire. He shivered at the unexpected sensation and pulled his duster closed. Unnoticed, tiny white flakes began to drift down to land softly on his bent shoulders, glistening like the frozen tears of an angel.

Another tear slid down his face, this one passed unheeded. "I don't have the heart to tell her what I _really_ want." He took a deep unneeded breath.

"All I want for Christmas is _you_."

_**Finis**_


End file.
